Ashforth's Alternative view: Daft expressions make the racing world go around

If it weren’t for Perth, Musselburgh and Hamilton, Kelso would be the most northern racecourse in Britain and if it weren’t for Kempton Park, it would be the only racecourse beginning with the letter K. And another thing. If it weren’t for Aintree, Kelso would have the longest run in of any jumps course.

It doesn’t really matter because, even without those distinctions, Kelso is unique.

It’s the only racecourse owned by the 10th Duke of Roxburghe and, unless the tradition’s come to an end, it’s the only course which gives a bag of carrots to every winning horse.

Kelso exemplifies the idiosyncrasy of British racecourses. I’ve only been there once but I’m hoping to go again either before I die or, failing that, afterwards.

Kelso is the only racecourse to give the winning horses a bag of carrots (Focusonracing)

On the minus side, Thursday’s card is rather lacking in one important ingredient – horses. Still, you can’t have everything.

It’s not just Kelso that’s short of horses. Leicester’s biggest field has seven runners and four of its six races have either three or four runners.

Something’s gone horribly wrong, although if you believe the expression, “the bigger the field the bigger the certainty” you’ll be studying the 2.15 and 4.00 carefully, as they’re the ones with seven runners.

Looking at the runners, I’m not sure that it will help and if you opt for Muilean Na Madog in the 2.15 I’d be very careful when filling in your betting slip.

There’s nothing worse than going to collect your winnings and being told that Miulean Na Madog wasn’t the winner and your bet’s void.

Racing’s full of silly expressions. Whoever came up with the bigger the field the bigger the certainty must have missed the Grand National and Stewards’ Cup.

Then there’s “your money’s only lent.” No, it’s not. When the one you backed falls at the last fence with the race won, it’s probably not a good idea to go up to the betting shop counter and say, “I’ve been told my money’s only been lent. Could I have it back now please?”

“This race won’t take much winning” is another duff one, usually produced in the face of a dreadful contest full of horses likely to struggle to win any race, however weak.

Good, I’m glad I’ve got that off my chest. Meanwhile, here at Plumpton the big screen has just shown my selection in the 3.50 at Musselburgh, Qawamees, failing to win. He also failed to finish in the first three, and the first four, and the first five. On the other hand, at 9-4, Qawamees did manage to finish in front of Flabello, at 250-1.

Life’s full of disappointments and a lot of them are to be found at racecourses. Never mind, there’s always tomorrow although, strictly speaking, that isn’t true, either.

One day the sun’s going to burn up and where will we be then? It’s not myself I’m worried about, it’s future generations. It’s already quite hot here at Plumpton and it’s still February.